Disappointments... A feeling that is all too familiar for most of us. Friends who exclude you. Not making the starting lineup for that big game. Starting a new job or new school and struggling to feel accepted by your peers. People you love walking right out of your life.
Today, disappointments are even more prevalent than usual with the widespread of Covid-19 and tension throughout the country. One of the enemies’ favorite tactics is to make us question God’s goodness and His sovereignty. “If God was really good, then why is he allowing ______ to happen?” I’m sure there are plenty people asking themselves this very question when they look at all the chaos happening in the world right now. We can see this type of questioning firsthand in the book of Genesis, when the serpent is tempting Eve. He said to her: “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” (Genesis 3:1) Satan twisted God’s words and turned it into a lie. What God really said was, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.” (Genesis 2: 16) Do you see the difference in these two phrases? God is allowing Adam and Eve the freedom to eat from any tree that they please, besides the tree of knowledge, whereas Satan twists God’s words and makes it sound like they are restricted and not allowed to eat from all the trees in the garden. Satan takes pleasure in seeing God’s children buy into these lies. Which is what they all are—lies. I started this blog my freshman year of college, but I don’t write in it often. A few months back, I felt like God was calling me to write in it again. I sat down and wrote a few sentences here and there, but I was not exactly sure what to write about. The next day I got a phone call from my mom and she said to me, “I really feel like God is telling me to tell you to write in your blog again.” When I heard that, I was shocked and said, “You know, that’s funny cause I actually started writing something yesterday.” That same week I got a text from one of my mentors from FCA back home (shoutout to Mrs. Tamara—you rock!!), and she was asking me when my next blog post was coming. At that point, I was sitting there like, “Okay God, I hear you loud and clear!!” So here I am a few months later. (: I think everyone can agree that 2020 was a rough year. What I am writing is hard for me to talk about to anyone, let alone post it online. I will be completely honest in what I say, not because I want pity from anyone, but because I hope that what I share will be able to encourage someone who may going through similar trials or is feeling the same way. A little over a year ago, I lost both my grandfather and grandmother within a month of each other. This was especially hard because I grew up living with them for 15 years and was really close to them, especially my grandmother. I know that they are in a better place and that I will see them again someday, but that doesn’t make the pain of losing them any easier. Additionally, I had a second knee surgery back in January of 2020, which was very unexpected. I don’t recall re-injuring myself, but over time I started having more and more pain in my knee and eventually discovered I’d been playing on a torn meniscus all season and would need surgery again. This recovery process was especially difficult because it was so hard to get motivated and do my rehab at home during the middle of a pandemic. The same week I found out about my surgery was the same week my ex broke up with me out of the blue. We were dating for 2 years & I thought we would eventually get married someday, so that was difficult and very unexpected. It was a combination of these things that happened all within 4 months of each other. A month later the pandemic hit and the country went on lockdown. I didn’t know how much more I could take, and it was only March. I used to be ashamed to admit that I struggle with mental health. I am slowly learning that mental health is something that can and should be talked about, and I am slowly becoming more comfortable talking about it to others. The same way that Job cursed the day he was ever born in the Bible, was sometimes the same way I felt. My burdens and my sorrow felt so heavy that I didn’t know if I would be able to keep going. I felt like my depression was slowly suffocating me. What I learned is that nobody should ever feel ashamed to ask for help. It is OK to not be OK. Struggling with depression, anxiety, or any other mental health issue does not make you any less of a person, Christian, daughter, son, mother, friend, etc. The craziest part about it all is that I had already gone through very similar circumstances 3 years prior when I was a freshman in college, which is pretty ironic if you ask me. First knee surgery, first heartbreak, first death in my family. You would think that having gone through these circumstances would make it easier to handle. But if anything, it was harder. The human body has always amazed me. As an athletic training major, I appreciate how flawless God’s design of the human body is. The smallest and most intricate details of the way He designed our bodies to function is mind-blowing. In class, we are taught that each person experiences pain differently. Something that might be really painful for one person might not be so painful for someone else. It is totally individualized. Pain is typically thought of as something negative. However, it’s actually a good thing because it is our body’s way of letting us know when something is wrong. If we never felt pain, we would never know if there was something bad going on inside our body. It’s similar to the check-engine light in a car that lets us know when we need to see a mechanic. In class, there is something we learned called the Gate Control Theory. Basically, this theory states you can trick your body into feeling less pain if you override that feeling with a different sensation. For example, if you bang your shin on something, you can rub the area on your leg that hurts and that will help “mask” the painful sensation with the sensation of touch. I got to thinking and realized that we tend to do the same thing in life. We like to distract ourselves with as many things as possible when our hearts are in pain, so we don’t have to feel it. If you know me, you know how much I love soccer. Especially in this season of covid, I had a deep desire to be back on the field. Once we were finally allowed to go back to school I couldn’t wait to get cleared and get back out on the field! I finally got cleared and made it through my first practice back. I don’t know when or how it happened, but as soon as practice ended, I immediately knew something was wrong. Sure enough, my MRI confirmed I would need another knee surgery because I retore both menisci. I was absolutely heartbroken—how could this happen after I had just worked so hard to get back on the field?! The past 7 months of rehab went completely down the drain. On top of that, I had discovered I had been playing on a torn labrum in my hip for the past year. So, I was faced with the question of whether to continue playing soccer. I have lost count of how many people have told me to quit playing, and rightfully so. My body has been through a heck of a lot these past four years. After a lot of prayer and discernment, I have decided to try and get back on the field one last time for my senior season, even though I am still not cleared to play. At this point, it is completely in God’s hands. As one of the team captains, I was constantly comparing myself to the other 2 captains, who are also my roommates/besties (shoutout to Cassie & Miranda!!) They are both such amazing players and make a huge impact on the field. If either of them missed a game, it would really affect the dynamic of the team. However, I felt that this was not the case for me. It feels like I’ve spent more time on the bench being injured than I’ve spent on the field for my college career. I kept telling myself, “How am I supposed to make an impact on the team as a captain if I can’t even play?” I felt like I had no business being a captain and that I was letting my team down. Thanks to my amazing teammates and coaches, they reminded me that I was not nominated captain because of how good I was at soccer, but rather, because of my leadership and attitude. This changed everything for me. For the longest time I was believing the lies that Satan was whispering in my ear, that I would never be good enough or never make an impact. I was reminded that my identity is not found in soccer or what other people think of me. It is only found in who God says that I am—and that’s waaaaay better! He says that I am His daughter (John 1:12), I am His friend (John 15:15), I am redeemed (Romans 3:24), I am free (Romans 6:6), I am chosen (Ephesians 1:4), I am forgiven (Ephesians 1:7), and I am loved (1 Thessalonians 1:4). I mean, the list could go on & on people!!! And these statements are true for everyone, not just me! This is a side note, but I promise it all makes sense at the end, so bear with me. If you know me, you know how much I am obsessed with my dog. She is absolutely spoiled rotten and my dad always buys her rawhide bones. One day she was gnawing on one of them, and her gums were bleeding. I had to take the bone away from her, and the puppy dog eyes she gave me almost made me give the bone back to her. I said “Lady, you know I love you and I know how much you love these bones. But I have to take it away from you cause it’s hurting you.” And WHAM!!! It hit me. That is exactly what God says to us. There are things in life that we grasp so tight to. Even though they seem good, they are causing us harm, so God will allow it to be taken away from us. I came to the realization that I idolized my relationship with my ex and put more time and effort into that than I put into my relationship with Jesus. I even idolized soccer and placed so much pressure on myself to play well for the sake of other people. I was so worried about what my teammates, coaches, parents, spectators would think of me and how I played. God gives each person passions and desires for a reason, which is ultimately to glorify Him. Soccer is a gift from God, and I know that He gave me the passion and desire to play for a reason. This is why I have decided to play one last time this season. Whether or not that actually happens is completely in His hands. I know that God allows things to be taken away from me for a reason, even if I am still figuring out exactly what that reason is. Even though God already knows everything about us, He wants to hear what we’re feeling. He does not need for our prayers to be “pretty”, He just wants us to be honest with Him and pour our hearts out to Him. Whether you are angry, sad, mad, glad, He wants to know it all and is with you through it all. I used to think that being angry was a sin, but even Jesus was angry in the Bible. In Matthew 21, He got enraged when people were buying and selling things in the temple. This was supposed to be a holy place to honor God, but people were totally disregarding that. Jesus got so angry that He flipped the tables that had all the goods on it! Anger is not a sin—it is what we do with that anger that determines sin. I was angry with God for allowing my circumstances to happen; I didn’t understand His plan or what He was doing. I have slowly learned that He doesn’t call us to understand His plans—that’s why He is God, and we are not. His thoughts are not our thoughts, nor are our ways His ways. The world will tell you that you have to be in control to be happy and successful. You have to be in control of your finances, your relationships, your education, your job, your future. Dear friend, don’t believe the lies of this world—it will never satisfy the deep desires of your heart. All that God calls for us to do is place our trust in Him and let go of our control. He wants us to trust that He is a good and loving Father and that He has our best interest in mind. Trust that He not only has a plan, but a really good one for that matter (Proverbs 16:3). He has plans to prosper us, give us hope, and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). So, friend, I will leave you with one final verse. Remember that as much as you think you are in control, you are not. Even if it doesn’t seem like it, that is a really good thing. God’s ways are soooo much better than we could ever think or imagine. “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s plan that prevails” (Proverbs 19:21)
0 Comments
Growing up in Sunday school, I was often told that we as women should cover up our bodies to avoid leading our brothers in Christ into sin and lustful thoughts. But nowadays, especially in a culture filled with feminism and women’s rights, so many girls claim that they are wearing what they want for their own sake and that boys should be able to control their thoughts. With this being said, we should never be dressing modestly or not for the sake of men. Rather, we should be dressing modestly for our own sake because we are of inherent dignity and infinite worth!!
So many Christian women are taught to ask themselves this question when contemplating whether or not to buy a certain article of clothing: “Is this going to lead a guy to sin?” Instead of worrying about what is or isn’t going to help a bro out, we should be asking ourselves: “Does this show outwardly that I am a woman of class, dignity, and value?” By asking ourselves this question we may be indirectly helping out our brothers, but that should never be the #1 reason why we dress modestly. Society tells us that if you’ve got it, flaunt it. It also gives us this false idea that the more skin you show, the more power you have. A prime example of this is the Kardashians; they are constantly flaunting their bodies on social media, and they are some of the most well-known and wealthiest celebrities of the decade. However, our bodies are sacred places and Christ dwells within us. In 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, Paul writes, Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies. And I know that girls might ask, “Will guys still notice me if I’m covering up my body?” But I am here to tell you that if a guy is only paying attention to you for your body, he is surely not the type of guy you want to be dating. A true man will want to date you for you, not your body! A great example of a powerful yet modest woman in today’s society is Adele. She is always keeping it classy, yet still captivating, not to mention selling out concert after concert. She is still very engaging, without dressing immodestly. In addition, I feel like as women, we receive so many images throughout our lives of what the ‘perfect body’ is supposed to look like through society and the media. We are supposed to fit into this mold of what the perfect woman should look like: thigh gaps, flat stomachs, clear skin… the list could go on and on. It can be overwhelming at times to be standing in line at the grocery store and see countless magazine covers with headlines such as “20 Minutes to Sexier Abs” or “9 Tips to Clearer Skin”. How often do we as women look at ourselves in the mirror and rather than think of the things we love about ourselves, think of all the things we wish were different or things we could change? If you’re like me, this happens more often than not. We are handcrafted in the image and likeness of God. Just let that sink in. In 1 Peter 3:3-4, it talks about where true beauty lies. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. When we put ourselves down and call are ourselves ugly, we are insulting God by calling one of his works of art ugly. The same God who made blazing galaxies, the deepest oceans, and the highest mountains is the same God who made you and me. Can you imagine pouring your heart and soul into a project for school that took you so much time and effort to make, and then somebody comes up and rips it apart and calls it ugly? That’s exactly what we are doing when we call ourselves ugly. Every woman’s’ body is different. We are all made up of different genetics, different heritages, and different cultures. God designed each and every one of us in a unique and beautiful way. Our bodies are not supposed to look like the bodies of the girls sitting next to us. When we compare ourselves to other women, it leaves us exhausted and can lead to sadness and deep struggles with self-worth. I follow a few health and fitness accounts on social media, and one of the things that I have noticed is that the majority of these accounts are just a bunch of girls posting pictures of their perfectly fit and toned abs or butt. Instead of being left with a feeling of motivation after seeing these posts, I usually end up subconsciously comparing my body to theirs, and that is not healthy. Granted, there are a few accounts that are actually very beneficial and give me great workout tips to try at the gym. But only you know which accounts are truly giving you good workout and nutrition tips, and which ones are actually hurting you. I have also noticed that you rarely find fitness accounts filled with women who have REAL bodies, with cellulite and stretch marks. The reality for most women is that no matter how much they work out, these ‘imperfections’ will never go away. But that’s OKAY! That is totally normal and is what makes us all unique. By unfollowing the accounts that are not helping your self-esteem, it will leave you happier and healthier in the long run. One of the best ways that I have improved my insecurities and self-esteem is through working out and eating healthy. I have always lived a very active lifestyle, due to the fact that I’ve played soccer my whole life. But it wasn’t until just recently that I really started focusing on what I am consuming and whether or not those things are benefiting my mind, body, and soul. Now I understand that going to the gym and weight lifting or running 5 miles a day may not be for everyone, and that’s okay! But find a way that gets you sweating, whether that’s hiking, dancing, swimming, walking, etc. There are soooo many different ways to stay active and soooo many health benefits to exercising, as I’m sure you all know. Some of these benefits include improving your heart health, strengthening your muscles, decreasing your risk for certain diseases, and most importantly… it releases endorphins which decreases stress and leaves you feeling really good! As the saying goes, healthy women are happy women. And I want to clarify something. While I absolutely love working out and eating healthy, I do this because I love my body and I love taking care of it, because I know it is of infinite worth and value. Not because I want to fix or change my body, be more beautiful, or look a certain way. Eating properly actually fuels your body in order to further take care of it when you are exercising. This is not to say that I never treat myself to the foods that I love. I’m talking about the foods that may not necessarily be as nutritious as they are delicious. If you know me, you know I especially have a weakness for ice cream!! But the moral of the story is that learning to love your body is a journey. If you are struggling with self-image issues, I recommend praying about these insecurities. I know that this is probably not the first solution that comes to your mind when you are figuring out a plan to change all the things you dislike about yourself. But pray and just ask God for healing and confidence. I promise you He CAN and WILL transform your heart to see the beautiful things about yourself. God only gave us one body, and we can either spend our life hating it or loving it. One will lead to a life of sorrow and distress, and the other will lead to a very fulfilling life! If you have any questions about staying active or you simply just need somebody to pray for you, I would love for you to fill out the prayer request form under the ‘get in touch’ page on my website! That’s it for now. Until next time. Faith is a lifelong journey. And I’m not gonna lie to you… life isn’t always going to be easy. There are different seasons of highs and lows we go through in life. I think I found that out the hard way this past year. Never in a million years would I have thought that I would be injured and miss out on my first year as a college athlete, not being able to do the one thing that I have a true passion and love for. Never in a million years would I have thought I’d be getting my heart broken by the boy I loved so much. And never in a million years would I have thought that my grandma would be diagnosed with cancer and die within that year. But as much as it sucks, God ALWAYS uses our pain for His glory and His purpose. Not to get too sad or dramatic haha. But seriously, this is what I’ve come to realize over the past year:
1. I sort of had the idea that I wanted to become an athletic trainer before I tore my ACL, but looking back, I now realize that being injured was almost like a confirmation from God that this is where He wants me in His plan for me (for now anyways). This experience has made me so much more mentally, emotionally, and physically tougher. And not only that, but when I am older and treating my own patients, I will have gone through the EXACT same thing as them, and really be able to relate to what their feeling. I have gained a lot of knowledge by being in the training room practically every day at school and witnessing how the trainers perform their jobs, taking mental notes so that I can one day mimic them. Tearing my ACL also brought me to my best friend Veronica. We live 15 minutes apart, went to rival high schools, played for the same soccer club and even had the same coach, and yet we never knew each other until we met one day at the beginning of the school year in the training room. Turns out we had surgery 3 days apart from each other, so we’d be at about the same timeline for recovery (which is about 9 months). Some may deem these as “coincidences”, but I like to call it divine intervention. I believe God placed her in my life, and boy am I sure glad He did. I have no idea where I would be without her, having that person to always push me to succeed in my road to recovery. Whenever I’m feeling down about my circumstances, I look back on all these positive things that come from this situation and remind myself it is ALL in God’s timing and for His Glory. 2. I’m not gonna lie, getting your heart broken REALLY sucks. Like there’s no way to even explain that type of pain. I guess you have to experience it for yourself to really know what I’m talking about. So anyways, I remember thinking that it was the end of the world and I had no idea how I was going to continue going on with life. There were times where I doubted I would genuinely ever be happy again. Looking back, I can see how ridiculous this all sounds, although at the time they were genuine feelings. While it sucked, going through the pain and heartache only brought me closer to God and made me stronger as an individual. I’ve come to learn that my JOY and my WORTH comes from God and God alone. My identity is not found in others. Not from some boy. From Jesus. That pain has taught me how to truly learn to love myself, despite my brokenness, knowing that God says, “You are all together BEAUTIFUL my darling; there is no flaw in you.” -Song of Songs 4:7. 3. Thirdly, I’ll be talking about my grandmother and how God used her cancer to bring her back to Him. Sometimes people say, “Well everything happens for a reason” when they are trying to be sympathetic with people who are going through a rough time in their life. That is not a valid statement, because not everything happens for a reason. God doesn’t make “bad things” happen to good people—that’s not in His nature. That’s not who He is. Our God is love and goodness. These “bad things” happen because sin entered the world and Satan is real. However, God sometimes allows us to go through these sufferings because He can use the pain to bring us back to Him and for His Glory, which is exactly what He did in my grandma’s case. She was raised Christian but stopped attending church and never really had that relationship with Christ in her adulthood. However, I noticed she grew more open and willing to reignite her relationship with Christ these past few years. In January of 2017, she was diagnosed with a rare form of lung cancer. As the cancer progressed, I noticed little changes within her, such as suggesting praying before meals, and beginning to openly speak about her faith, just to name a few examples. By the time she moved into a hospice home in October, there was a clear and distinct change in her relationship with Christ. Even when she was in pain and fighting to hold onto life, she remained JOYFUL and HOPEFUL. As family and friends came to visit her, they were the ones who ended up leaving uplifted. She was always cracking jokes and SO full of love. She passed away in November, but there is no doubt in my mind that she is now sitting face to face with Jesus and that I will one day see her again. I truly believe that as disgusting and terrible as cancer is, God was able to use her weakness to bring her back to Him. My favorite Bible verse is 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 and it says, “Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it from me. But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” Paul DELIGHTS in hardships. Huh. That’s a funny way to deal with the crap that happens to us. We don’t know what his “thorn in his flesh” was. Some suggest it was a spiritual problem (anxiety, sexual temptation, or maybe guilt). Others think it was a physical ailment (headaches, epilepsy, eye problems, etc.) And still some think he was referring to his frequent persecutions. Whatever the case may be, in the midst of trials and suffering, we may feel like God isn’t working things out the way He should. Paul realized that often the Lord doesn’t “fix” situations because it is through pain that God can work out His plans. Hosea 6:1 says, “He has torn us to pieces but He will heal us; He has injured us but He will bind up our wounds.” And the point of all of this is not to get all sad and depressing, but to show you that being Christian doesn’t promise life will always be perfect and easy. On the contrary, we are almost guaranteed to be faced with hardships. BUT we can have hope in knowing that God will 100% always provide. And THAT’S what it means to be a Christian. There will be days that are difficult with school or sports or work. And that’s totally okay. But we can’t let those difficulties shake our faith. It’s up to us to whether or not we want to place our trust in Him. God is ALWAYS going to be there for us with arms wide open. He loves us infinitely more than we could ever think of. Imagine all the ice cream, dogs, sunshine, laughter, rainbows, chocolate chip cookies, sunny days, flowers, and love in the world. Now take that, multiply it by a million, and that’s still only a fraction of how much God loves you. All He wants is for you to draw near to Him. You just have to make that first step. |
ArchivesCategories |